Saturday, May 9, 2009

An Anonymous Source Gave Bedard the Finger

For a couple of days, Bedard has been circulating a rumor (from an anonymous source, of course) worthy of the World Weekly News.  Here it goes:

One source said, "If you put your finger in (Favre's) shoulder it goes right through. That's not a good sign. There's a reason why he hasn't picked up a football yet."

A finger goes "right through" the shoulder?  Hey, that does sound serious.

Beep.  Beep.  Beep.

Do you hear that?  Where's the noise coming from?

Oh that's my bullshit detector going off again.  (Where is the button on this thing?)

Here's an experiment: (1) take your index finger, (2) poke your shoulder, and (3) try to imagine your finger going "right through" your shoulder.

I'm sure its possible, but you would have to be seriously injured.  

This raises a lot of interesting questions.  If Favre is truly Poke-Your-Finger-Right-Through-The-Shoulder injured, why is he even bothering to send x-rays to the Vikings?

We are to believe that Favre was that hurt and he still played football (even poorly) for a month?  Moreover, he was that injured and the team doctors never detected it (he was never on the injury report)?  Don't the Jets' doctors know the Poke-Your-Finger-Right-Through-The-Shoulder test?  Do the Jets' doctors even have fingers? 

Maybe the Jets' doctors were aliens:
  1. Beware of doctors who have trouble identifying body parts. If you complain of pain in an elbow and he examines your wrist or forearm, you might very well be in the clutches of an extraterrestrial.
  2. Human physicians often run late, but extraterrestrials are always right on time.
  3. A doctor’s handwriting is usually quite sloppy. But aliens labor over their handwriting and the result is easy-to-read printing.
  4. Most doctors draw blood for testing but need very little to get the job done. Physicians who ask for a quart or more of your blood have a hidden agenda – and may be extraterrestrials.
  5. The vast majority of doctors dispense drugs through prescriptions and pharmacist. Alien doctors prefer to pass out “sample” pills and preparations that usually have nothing to do with the patient’s illness.
  6. Aliens often recommend surgery for patients who feel great and have no symptoms of disease.
The truth is out there.

 (But you won't hear it from anonymous exaggerators close to Favre).





2 comments:

  1. Greg and I have gone back and forth on this. He contends that the reason Favre's name was never on the injury report last year because Mangini is a mini-Belichick who would never allow the starting QBs name to appear there. I countered that this was the same Mangini who gave his newborn son the middle name of 'Brett', meaning simply that Favre was in control of whatever the hell Favre wanted to be. And we know how much every little hangnail was played up while he was in GB...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Favre was on the injury report (as "questionable") last year for his ankle injury earlier in the season.

    ReplyDelete