Sunday, November 1, 2009

An Open Mad Lib to Brett Favre

[VERB] you.

Seriously, [VERB] you and your whole hillbilly family. From your motor-mouth Mom right down to your [ADJECTIVE] daughters, who if they are anything like your [ADJECTIVE] wife are probably already sniffing jocks and [PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE] the whole football team. Hell, if they are anything like your wife they are probably already knocked-up by some [ADJECTIVE] hillbilly. But, I'm getting off track.

[VERB] you.

You know that stat they flashed this afternoon about the "fewest first half yards since the 1999 game at Denver"? You remember that game? I do. All week long you were taunted in the media by some [ADJECTIVE] punk defensive back. I couldn't wait for that game, and how you were going to light up the Broncos. Certainly you---a three time MVP---would not let some punk [PART THE BODY] defensive back get away with taunting you, would you? But instead of teaching him a lesson, you [PAST TENSE VERB] the bed.

[INTERJECTION].

For 11 seasons after the 1996 Super Bowl win, I watched you [ADVERB] choke in big games and fold under pressure like a [FOLDABLE NOUN]. Over and over and over again. I even made [ADJECTIVE] excuses for your [ADJECTIVE] play. Oh look the [ADJECTIVE] receiver must have "run the wrong route" again. That's right, whenever you were under center the Packers were sure to have the stupidest receivers in the league. What a [ADJECTIVE] coincidence! No other NFL teams had such a problem with receivers that constantly ran the wrong route.

You are not a [PEJORATIVE] because you were a choke job artist (and I do mean "artist," every one of your meltdowns was as unique as a snowflake). You are a [PEJORATIVE] because now that you are playing for the Packers' rival---NOW--- you decide to not crap the bed in big games. Thanks, [PART OF THE BODY].

You know the difference between a [SLANG FOR MEAN WOMAN] and a [SLANG FOR IMMORAL WOMAN] ? A [SLANG FOR IMMORAL WOMAN] [VERB] everybody, and a [SLANG FOR MEAN WOMAN] [VERB] everybody but you.

You, Brett Lorenzo Favre are a [SLANG FOR MEAN WOMAN].

[VERB] you (and your whole [ADJECTIVE] family).

4 comments:

  1. Well, except for the younger daughter who's 11, I agree with all of this. Well done.

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  2. Yeah, that game sure sucked. There's no denying it.

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  3. THE PACKERS SUCK!

    FACE IT, YOU BUNCH OF BITTER, TEE TEE BALL WASHING LOSERS...

    YOU BACKED THE WRONG HORSE, NOW EAT IT, PUKES...HOPE IT TASTE HORRIBLE GOING DOWN

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  4. Wow, the real Pack66 comes out, as opposed to the moderately hateful one on Cheeseheadtv.

    ReplyDelete